Never Doubt!

How are you guys? I’m holding up OK. I think the sentiment of everyone right now is all hell is breaking loose! Pandemic, social unrest and an aura over our country so heavy you can cut it with a knife! My posts have been few because in the midst of all this chaos, I am one of the people that unfortunately is not the least bit surprised about the tragic events that happened to Mr. Floyd. I grew up in a household where my mother didn’t shield me and my brother from the history of black people in this country. My mom had a very up front approach about what race relations post slavery were and frankly will possibly always be in America. She taught us to treat everyone with respect and kindness until they showed you different, but living in a bubble about the realities of what it means to be black in America was not something we experienced.

I’d not only watched but read the entire volumes of Roots and Alex Haley’s Queen before I was in the 6th grade. I never considered any other college choice except a HBCU. After a short list of favorites, I chose Jackson State University where I lived in a dorm that still brandished bullet holes where police opened fire, killing 2 students in 1970. I spent many nights talking to my grandmother, as she explained to me that her grandfather, who raised her, was the son of a slave…..let that sink in. Literally slavery was not that long ago, in the grand scheme of time, and for some reason, I feel so many of us, tend to think about the progress instead of the past and what it should have taught us.

At any rate, I say these things to explain my feelings about the brutality so many black people have dealt with and continue to deal with. It’s something that is unnatural to the human spirit and I don’t think anyone should have to feel or do anything except what is good to their soul and spirit….thus, my decrease in posting and increase in reflecting.

These types of incidents are not new and happen in smaller and larger scale everyday. Not too long ago, our dog Sport escaped under our fence. The backyard is up against green space that is owned by a company not too far from our home. We could hear sport in the wooded area but there is no way to get back there from our subdivision. A neighboring section of homes has a better vantage point, so I asked my husband to drive over and see if one of the homes may have access to this area. My boo returned home and said, “Babe, there is a house that is literally cornered to our back and they can probably reach Sport but they are an elderly white couple and I don’t feel comfortable approaching their home to ask.” Initially, I was thinking, WHAT?!? Like what do you mean???….Then it hit me like a ton of bricks! He was right! So many people can look at attributes that I find absolutely irresistible about my husband….his dark ebony skin, broad upper frame, strong shoulders, black thick beard with a sprinkle of gray….they may see danger and alarm. I was heartbroken, worried and a flood of emotions took over me thinking about not only my husband, but my brothers and my son. I drove over, and sure enough there was an elderly couple on porch. I walked over and explained and they were the nicest couple……the husband went into the wooded area and brought Sport out. The wife talked to me for a long time and they were so sweet. But I know the outcome could have been so different under different circumstances.

All these things have been on my mind the last few days but I’m trying to focus on the positives. Last Monday, I started my dream job! It’s a new position with an organization I’m really passionate about that will allow me to help my community in a positive way. Through my professional experience I’ve learned that a dollar sign is not always the key to happiness, especially when it comes to working. You spend essentially more time at work than you do with your family…..being in hell daily is not what you want.

My previous job was not my calling and looking back, I can totally admit that and be at peace with it. The environment was not one that was diverse at all and attending a meeting of 30 at times and being the only African American or one of two was daunting. This fact was lost on me at first, but made clear with the feeling of relief I had the first morning I woke up and didn’t have to go in! LOL! I literally did not know how stressed I was everyday and I’m thankful for a new start, doing something I can be proud of and make a difference. I read an article recently that verbally addressed everything about my previous work experiences, the “pet to threat” theory. I’ll link it here! It’s a great read and discusses how African American women are marginalized in the work place.

While things seem completely uncertain now, trust and believe, it’s never too late for change, finding your passion, being who you want to be and finding your happiness! Get up, make it happen! Get involved with causes that awaken the fire in you to help others and your community! I can’t speak on what tomorrow holds for our country. In my mind sometimes, I think the outcome can only be bleak. How can a place forged on a system of cruelty and evil have a good outcome? We don’t know what will happen but we can definitely bank on this…GOD is real, he is in control and there is no room for doubt!