At What Cost

What are you willing to give? What are you willing to do? When it comes to something I really want this is the main question I ask myself….at what cost? Many times we can really want something but the cost appears too high. We deem it unnecessary because the amount of work we’d have to put into it in order to succeed seems to outweigh the desire of what we want. However, have you ever asked yourself what would happen if you paid the price?

Recently, I’ve went on 3 girls trips in 3 months. Since becoming a mom in 2018 I hadn’t traveled much at all, and then Covid, so that was a wrap! As some of you know I graduated from the best HBCU in the country, THEE Jackson State University! After the hiring of our new football coach Deion Sanders in 2020, my girl tribe from college decided we’d head to Miami for the Orange Blossom Classic against FAMU in September. We had such a good time. We’re wives, moms and work full time….it felt ridiculously good to get out, dance, laugh and enjoy ourselves. It was also addictive. I ran across a friend on social media and after seeing our pics, they indicated how happy they were that we were all still friends. I indicated that my friend Robyn and I roomed together and how nice it was because she lives in Louisiana, me in Arkansas and it had been a few years since we saw each other. The friend was stunned and hit me with a WHY?! I sat there a minute and couldn’t come up with a real answer. I thought on it all night. I went down my list of good girlfriends, some of them I’ve known since crawling on a blanket, like Whitney in Houston. We talk everyday on the phone and text, why in the hell haven’t I seen her in person in over 3 years?!? I was floored.

I had to do some heavy evaluation. Full time job, wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend. That’s who I am right? No. That’s not all I am. I have aspirations, dreams, things I want to do, accomplish and one role can’t stop me from flourishing in others. Needless to say, 48 hours of fun in a month had a profound effect on me.

Now, I am fully aware of my obligations at home and work….These are priorities and what is the cost I have to pay in order to get some time away to hang out. It is a heavy one….but in my opinion worth it. Lets tally it together. Now, when you have a kid under 3 and a husband who works an unconventional schedule….you are at a disadvantage. I had to plan every detail of my weekend trips weeks in advance. I leaned on family also which gave me a lot of guilt. Was it selfish to ask my family to step in so I could go out of town?…..I still question that, but they were willing and I’m so thankful. My mom came to stay the weekend to help my husband out while he worked. My brother picked up my son from daycare and was on hand for any emergencies. It literally took every free hour I had the week before leaving on my trips to write instructions down, grocery shop for supplies and label everything down to outfits, socks and shoes for outings and bed! I worked to make everything easy for my family in my absence.

Lets talk funds! Prep for a weekend of fun is not cheap! When getting out of the daily routine, I found myself doing things I let go of years ago attempting to be frugal like the salon and nail shop. Guess what I discovered? I MISS THESE THINGS AND I WILL CONTINUE TO GET THEM FROM NOW ON IN THE NAME OF SELFCARE! I can’t tell you how much more confident a professional hair session and set of nails can make you! Sheesh! I didn’t think I had the money to spend but I actually did. I’d convinced myself that these small luxuries weren’t necessary and that the funds could be better served on the family. While that might be true…..at what cost? Is it really worth me not enjoying myself…I say no.

I am not trying to give advice, just my observation of how 3 months changed my outlook on what it means to be a wife and mother. It’s a journey filled with pitfalls and while there are perils, I can handle them and taking time for myself will help me do that!